Mystery man takes a church lady to a bar
and other Easter stories
20 years ago, a man approached me after a Maundy Thursday service that I didn’t want to go to but I did because I worked for the church. It was a small church and our small staff was expected to attend most any church event. Who needs all these services?, my pentecostal mind wondered. At the end, we would put all the chairs away and because of the lateness of the the service, it was almost 11pm1.
This man stacked a chair next to my stack, “Hey, you’ve got to be hungry. Do you want to get something to eat?”
“I mean, I can’t imagine what is open this time of night,” I replied off-puttingly.
“The Peanut is. They have the best wings.”
“Oh and I’m sure people read Playboy because it has the best articles. You want to go eat at a bar at 11pm? A lady of the church would never.”
The truth is, I was hungry. And I had worked with this guy every Wednesday night for the year. It was a little random, because I didn’t like him and he didn’t ever talk to me really. But he was nice and he loved God and he was good with the middle schoolers.
“Fine, I’ll meet you there.”
I mean, I’m not riding with him in his car. That would be absurd and look like a date. These church people are always itching to start a rumor. This certainly couldn’t be further from that.
We arrive and I order chicken tenders and a Diet Coke, while he orders wings and a water. The waiter had hardly left before he pressed, “Tell me about your family?”
“How much time do we have?”
“All night, Jami Baker.” he smiled big.
Nice teeth, I thought. I hadn’t noticed his smile.
And then he kept asking the most insane questions like what sports I played in middle School? “Uh, the C- basketball team. The C soccer team. Basically pretty powerful athlete. I bet you’re inspired as a collegiate athlete.” He laughed, we laughed, more questions… actually an insane amount of questions.
We sat there for hours with nary a space between words and that’s when I had the brilliant idea to play truth or dare. At a bar. Passed my bedtime. With a man I hardly knew.
“I dare you to dance on that table,” I pointed, smiling.
He did not hesitate sliding his chair back while eye contact remained and then did a little dance on the table until the waitress gave him eyes. I giggled, Man has some rhythm.
By this time it was time to go. He had paid the tab for dinner. I protested saying, “This isn’t a date, stupid.”
“It doesn't have to be a date for someone to be a gentleman. You can just say thank you.”
“Oh wow,” I rolled my eyes. “Thank you for the dinner and dance.”
He walked me to my car and lingered too long. I was a little confused, so I got in quickly and shut the door. I can remember him looking down and smiling at me through the window. I smiled a close-mouthed smile and started the car. Weirdo.
As I drove away, I knew that at a certain street, he would turn right toward his area of town, and I would go straight just 3 minutes. But he did not turn, and followed me to my neighborhood. So I called him on my flip phone. I only had his phone number in my phone as my dad took care of a speeding ticket for him like 6 months back.2
“You’re not following me are you?”
“No. Well only a little. I just want to make sure you got home ok.”
“Well, I’m not 12, I can take it from here.”
But by then, I was in the driveway. I got out, opened the garage and turned around to wave. He turned his car off.
“UM YOU CAN NOT COME IN HERE!”
“I don’t want to. I…uhhh… Jami… Baker, I have prayed about you for 3 months. I like you, like not just like you. I am not trying to date anyone I don’t see myself marrying.3”
OK PSYCHO STALKER who is really cute, in a lifted black jeep, and volunteers most of his non-working hours to the youth. But still, the problem is, I don’t like him. I know him but not really, know. And this is crazy, he hasn’t said anything to me in 3 months. Well I did mention I hadn’t seen The Notebook and he brought it to me at church because I “had to see it”. Now that I think about it, He probably wanted to watch it with me and I just cluelessly took the movie and watched it alone. Thanks, bud! *punches shoulder.
In the driveway, he kept going, “I know it’s kind of out of left field but can I see you tomorrow. Or Saturday. Or Sunday?…”
Fully knowing I would call him tomorrow and say NO, we don’t even know each other, I said sure—So he would leave, of course. But I did go to bed smiling. Stop it, you. This will never work. You’re not even attracted to him except his smile. And his fluffy hair. And his perfect brown skin.
I did not call him and tell him no. I did go to Houston’s restaurant with him on Saturday where he told me he started to like me several months earlier when I had the flu and looked like death. He and my other friend brought soup and gatorade and apparently he likes sickly women? I laughed hard on that date. I did find him very attractive and I did think he was funny. And 2 weeks later, He said I love you and I said, “Thank you.” A week later, I said, “Why dip your toe in the water when you can go swimming. I love you too.”
6 months later we were married and 10 months later we had our first baby. Follow, like and subscribe for more tips on patience. I told you, with both like to speed.
Easter holds a really special place in my heart. And that’s because God always surprises me during this season. I wasn’t looking for Mark Nato when I was 22( one of the best gifts of my life), but there he was. And when our marriage fell apart in December, 18 years ago, I was looking toward divorce. But the miracle of miracles happened and we got back together after therapy, and separation, and so much work. Our first time we went back to church together, as a family, was Easter Sunday. I couldn’t believe God’s timing—It’s like He did that just for me. Just so I would know He still raised dead things to life. I lost my wedding rings 4 years ago for 3 weeks and was devastated over it. And on Maundy Thursday, Pruett found them on a twirly straw by the sink that says LOVE with my rings on them! It’s like God keeps saying, “Hey, I still remember that miracle. I love you.” The metaphors are rich for me every Easter season, dontchaknow. Love, loss, life from death, lost and found. LIVE LAUGH LOVE. Jk (only a little).
So as we look forward to Sunday, we wait for the ways God is redeeming dead things. Remember that Jesus didn't die and stay dead. He rose again, the new kingdom was inaugurated. We live in the Now and Not Yet, but that’s why are can look and can expect to find miracles on this earth in our days left before He returns. It’s happening all around us in the budding flowers and gardens. All creation sings of His glory.
LOVE,
Jami
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If you like this essay, I wrote a whole book of them! topics: infidelity, miscarraige, special needs kiddo, motherhood, and finding purpose— GASP — outside being a mother and a wife.
you know all those reels about guys picking up on girls at church by stacking chairs at the end? Well, it does work. JOKES ON THEM.
I was also a consistent speeder so I couldn’t give him hell about this. Did you know you can pay $50 to get a speeding ticket moved to a non-moving violation and so your insurance won’t go up? SHADY.
Nato contends he did not say that he wanted to marry me that night but how did I hear that? I swear he said he had been JOURNALING about me for months. Which more and more sounds like a DATELINE special.
4 out of 5 of the past Easter seasons, including this one, have been marked by trauma. I was joking with my husband about it last night because if I don't laugh I'll cry (again). I know there is hope and grace and goodness and that even if this pattern follows, He's not in the grave, He's walking beside me through the mess(es) and gives so much beauty in the midst of the ugly ♥️
I loved this. I’m going through a really tough season of recurrent pregnancy loss while trying to conceive baby #2. Thank you for the reminder to look for God’s miracles and celebrate the joy that Easter represents!