being in a body that wants pleasure and exploration

and other things that will make you uncomfortable as a Christian

I’ve been thinking a lot about the body and how everything we experience happens in one. I have written about how purity culture and complementarian faith systems taught me to either hate my body or at the very least believe it was dangerous and not to be trusted. The woman’s body must be managed, not cared for or adored unless it’s in the context of marriage and then please keep in mind, “Your body is not your own,” *the preacher reminds women with a wink*. If you’re going to have any sort of pleasure, it will be at the hands of a man. And even so, his pleasure is paramount.

So then you believe that your worth and value as someone in a body is sort of an object to be handled by others. You can’t possibly trust what your body desires apart from men and children. And the messaging isn’t hidden at all: the paramount of evangelical faith is marriage and children. You will be used sexually in marriage for his pleasure and ultimately move on to sacrifice your body by creating and then nurturing life with said body. You do not have autonomy over your body in these spaces: everything physical/intellectual about you must be managed by hiding any big personalities or opinions (oops, you’re getting too close to our power as men and leaders with delicate egos) and also hiding your shape and your breasts that God made (specifically ontologically for women). But not for yourself, for others! Take men’s nipple’s for example: they are for themselves, but women’s breasts are for everyone: babies, men, ads, entertainment: they keep producing. A man has nipples but culture doesn’t sexualize them. They don’t have to worry about nipping out or wearing a padded bra. If she gets cold, it’s because she is clearly trying to get in bed with your husband or she is about to feed a baby. But you men: Workout shirtless! Run shirtless! Sleep shirtless! I’m not advocating for bucking the cultural norms, but I am pushing you to considering the ways we’ve been shaped culturally.

I am being sassy but it’s about to get even worse: I have been thinking about pleasure. That both men and women are made to experience pleasure in the world. Yes sexually, but also through all the senses and I am loving Hillary McBride’s work on this. YOU MUST LISTEN TO HER ON PODCASTS at the least. She’s a therapist who specializes in embodiment, so basically you go to therapy with her exercises and it’s rude because you just want to consume the info but she’s all, “Nah, let’s do the work.¹ But back to pleasure. We are obsessed with controlling everyone’s bodies in the evangelical space, so much so that we can not tolerate that men and women are made for pleasure alone or together. The topic of masterbation is really not discussed except as a terrible activity sinful people do. Except really, our bodies desire pleasure and at an early age, we take notice. Our hands find it all on our own. It’s developmentally appropriate, everyone has done or does do it, and men and women have nocturnal emissions or spontaneous orgasms in their sleep. WHY could that be?