Put it on my tab

a weird dream I had about Jesus? LOL.

I had this dream, the other night. Well, I had 3 dreams and in the middle of the dream, after having 1, I asked for another one. I was praying, mind you, I knew I was talking to God. I can not tell you 2 of the dreams because they’re too sensitive at the moment. I guess I don’t recommend reading Matthew 24 and Ezekiel and then writing a paper on it, and then going to bed. BUT ALAS. Follow me for more tips on weird dreams. I do not have “spiritual”dreams like this, though I do have weird dreams— Run of the mill ones like my teeth fall out (thanks anxiety!) or I am enrolled in college and I forget a whole class until the last day and fail. Actually, I take that back, when I was 8 or 10, I had a dream that people were standing in rows on a large well kept, green campus of some sort, upright, in their clothes, and individual flames were engulfing them. They were lifeless but their eyes were open and their mouths agape. I can still see what the man was wearing closest to me: jeans and a collard striped shirt, shoes too. I don’t remember seeing children, just men and women in neat rows that went on and on and my grandparents were driving me in the back of a white Ford sedan, with my face pressed to the window in horror. Terrifying much? I have had that dream one more time since. I have never ever forgotten it and have told people about this dream in hopes of an interpretation but there have been no Joseph’s for me. So I’m stuck with it for now. Sometimes I ask God about it, but perhaps I don’t want to know.

But in this dream the other night, I was in a house where I lived with other people. I was new and the house wasn’t anything special. It was like a college house, with dim lighting and lots of people in and out. And I had a friend with me, though I liked her, I hadn’t ever seen her before. She never left my side in any part of the dream. Anyway, I was watching this one guy intently. Wherever he went, I would watch him. These little kids ran into the house and He was good with them, and I immediately liked him. I kept thinking, wait do I have a crush on him but it wasn’t feeling romantic. He had on a flannel shirt over a T shirt and wasn’t particularly good looking, just regular. Dark hair. Not muscular. And then he came to talk to me, and the way he was listening so intently, well maybe I am romantically attracted? Who doesn’t love a really good listener? HA. So my friend and I decide to make a target run for our new house situation and we walk there. We pass what looks like a raucous party with torches and these people were frenetically dancing all around a giant metal object. It was silver and tall and on the top had a large round ball. We knew to keep walking quickly.

We get to target and grab a bunch of things and at checkout, that guy appears holding a visa. “Hey, let me pick this up.” I stared at him, in my head I thought, I can pay for this. But that’s really nice. But he’s doing something bigger than this. It’s like he read my mind, “It’s your choice.” He had the biggest smile. “Ok. I would like that. On one condition: can we hang out with you again?” And He laughed and winked and my friend nudged me in the ribs like I was crushing. We walked out with our bags. When we got home, we put stuff away and that guy walked in with posters in his hand and laid them on the table. Another roommate guy ran over beaming and said, “Where did you get these posters?!” They were vintage posters for some band. Hand painted, really cool. And the guy was like, “I saw them at the market on the way home and thought of you.” I understood he got gifts for all the roommates, really specific gifts for each person, stuff they were super into. I realized it wasn’t romantic, I was special but so was everyone. Which makes me laugh.

reminds me of “PUT IT ON MY TAB”.

Anyway, I knew it was time to leave the dream. This was the last of the three and I knew it was done. And I stood in front of that flannel shirt nothing impressive guy and took a giant step into his arms. He wasn’t muscular, he was soft. And he just held me for a long time. Like awkwardly long, face sunk in his chest— but I didn’t want to leave. His head was in my hair. The best hug of my life, and I’m not really known for liking hugs. And then I was walking away and I could feel him watching me and I thought, I didn't catch his name. So I said as I walked, he seems like a JAKE. LOL. No idea why that name but he felt like a Jake?

And then I woke up.

I don’t know if that was Jesus. I named whoever it was a J name for some reason. I am not pretending to know what Jesus looks like or that I had an encounter with Him. But I will say, whatever it was, made me want more of THAT. And also that I remember with such detail all three dreams, is an anomaly to me. That I wrote them out, when I woke up, also never ever have done that. That I called my husband frantically and that we both just stood there silent for a good bit. “Whoa.” That’s all we could and still can muster. It’s not that I want to be vague to anyone about the other 2 dreams, but I take people saying they had a word from God or a vision from God with a very tentative, measured eye—Including myself. If anything, I like the idea that Jesus picks up the tab and wants to see you, specifically, smile by giving you good gifts. And perhaps I just needed comforting in tumultuous times and I found that in a tiny way in my sleep. I don’t pretend to know.

On to what I really wanted to write HAAAA. Squirrel!

There was a time in my marriage where I was thinking I was going to get a divorce because of infidelity. My husband couldn’t stop lying, things kept coming to the light and I would find myself on the railroad tracks being pummeled again by a train going 300mph. But one day, it occurred to me that I didn’t have to ride this roller coaster. I could unbuckle and exit the the ride entirely.

This same thing occurred to me yesterday as we are completely lambasted not only by a chaotic political times, but by everyone’s opinions about them. And while I hold very strong opinions on the humane treatment of refugees, illegal and legal immigrants, and asylum seekers, there are other parts of the chaos I do have a choice in unbuckling from. How can I engage the current situation healthily if I live in confusion, chaos, reaction and fear? We’re not very helpful, are we? I told a gal the other day, take breaks. Pray. do one action step, and please please please, find some joy. Please just find one person to see and love and help today. This is not a time for inaction, but it is also not a time to believe if you’re not constantly in this thang, it will all fall apart. Tomorrow you’ll wake up and there will be more news, but Christians must remember that what we preach to our Christian nationalist friends is a message we need to be preached ourselves: The government it not your savior.

Often I need to remind myself that the in the Gospels, the religious were looking for someone powerful that would topple the government to save them. In doing so, they missed Jesus. Americans have had the privilege, until recently, to not live in political chaos and upheaval. Our global friends tell us a different story, they have lived through and are living in either terrifying times or political instability. Yet, we can firmly say, the God of our siblings in other parts of the world is our same God. It is not whether or not we are facing trying times, bu

t that God is with us and that He hears His children when they cry out. You may have heard of 5 calls, but I say to you, have you heard of calling the name above every other name(See what I did there?)? Both valuable, but remember whose you are. You are an American Citizen but you don’t belong to any president. You are Gods and He is with you.

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This is in no way to trivialize responsibilities to speak up against evil and injustice. We are required to do that and move in action that exhibits love and peace and kindness. But it must come from behind the shield of belonging to the one who is a Good Shepherd. He does not confuse His flock, He is not rough with His sheep, but tender. It may do you well to go rest your face in His chest and let him breathe in your hair. From that intimacy, we can continue give ourselves away in the service of others.

Sincerely as ever,

Jami

P.s. I welcome dream interpretations if you have one.