"Don't care about being beautiful but also we're obsessed with your bodies."

it's complicated.

The thing about beauty for a woman, I mean culturally, is it’s not too much of a shape shifter like people say. Someone is either traditionally beautiful, or maybe mediocre, or maybe not pretty by those standards(none of which has to do with value). And the human eye spots it quickly and the brain conformed by its culture confirms and you keep walking or having the conversation. When people get upset over the word “anti-aging,” I understand. Mostly because it’s not real— we are all one day closer to dying. I get that. But then a person that tapes their face will have less wrinkles than someone who doesn’t, unless they have no personality and don’t get outraged from time to time or burst into hysterical laughter over a meme. And a less wrinkly face means you do look younger, in theory.

The thing is, people act like wanting to be beautiful is shallow and to that I say, how nice for you to live in the world where you’re not a woman. Or how nice for you to be naturally beautiful so you can say that. Or maybe, even better, how nice that you don’t care anymore. I am not too sure this is a real sentiment, but only because I don’t not want to be beautiful or beautiful adjacent a tiny bit LOL. I know that you have cared or do care a little currently because you live on this planet. My sister has gone completely grey and is proud of that. I would very well be on my way to full grey but I dyed it again just this morning because I’m not ready yet. Some of us just aren’t there yet. I want to be there with not caring about aging or beauty like I want to be there with barrel jeans— but I just need another year to sit with them. Literally.

As a woman, there are already so many things that are going against us. Some refuse to play the game and others play it. I don’t have a bone to pick with people who get botox or fillers or glue their eyelashes on. I also have nothing but respect for those who go grey, and don’t use lasers or serums or lotions and a witches finger and newt’s saliva. But it feels impossible to be a woman knowing that beauty sorta matters and then to be judged if you care or don’t care. Either side gets a beat down and sometimes, what I see mostly, is women being terrible to each other about it. We’re in a predicament, ya know, all of us. Most men don’t even have to think about going grey or their facial routine or plumping their lips. They're celebrated for being a “silver fox” and it is revered, sexy. Not so for women. We have to think about being darling.